Diary of a Working Mum: Ambition, 'Mum Guilt', and Navigating the Work-Life Juggle

In January 2025, my beautiful daughter Olivia Ruby McCann was born. Olivia arrived into the world via emergency C-section, which was certainly not the birth I had "planned" or hoped for. However, it was in this moment that I realised my life had changed forever. It brought a complete shift in perspective, and I realised very quickly she was now the most important thing in my world. I also realised motherhood can't be "planned" or "controlled" - an early awakening for a bit of a control freak like me!

2 months until I return to work 

Fast forward 10 wonderful (and challenging!) months of being a mum, and I am starting to mentally prepare for my return to work in just under 2 months. Right now, I am feeling mixed emotions. Before Olivia, some would say I was a bit of a workaholic; there's no doubt I loved my job. It was busy, demanding and at times high-pressure - an environment I believe I thrived in. Now I'm wondering, “Can I do it?”, can I continue to thrive in a busy, high-performing environment whilst being the mum I want to be for Olivia? Before having Olivia, my career was a top priority (I believe it still is), and I never would have doubted my ability to succeed in work AND be a good mum. The reality is different now, and I've never doubted myself more. I want to be present at work, I want to be a manager who leads by example, and I want to be a reliable colleague and trusted partner for our customers. Most importantly, I want to continue to learn and progress. However, I also want to be home at a reasonable time every day, present and ready to be a mum without having to rush or miss any parts of our bedtime routine. I don't want to miss my daughter's first sentences or the first time she walks, but I know there's a high chance these things will happen when I'm at work. I want to cuddle her when she's sick and be there to pick her up when she falls. I don't want someone else to do these things for me.

So for now, it's mixed emotions. Excitement to use my brain in a different way again and to have a bit of "me" back, but sadness and anxiety about missing precious moments with my daughter.

4 weeks until I return to work 

T minus 4 weeks to go! Today I am feeling very blessed (the emotions change daily)! How lucky am I to have had the opportunity and ability to take a full year off work with my first baby, a privilege I know many cannot afford. What a year it's been. For some reason, going back to work has me cherishing every second with Olivia. My husband keeps reminding me I will still see her every day when I go back to work, just not all day. Our Christmas party is coming up at work, and it will be a nice way to catch up with everyone and meet some new faces. I'm hoping this will ease some of the anxieties of going back in a few weeks.

1 month back at work 

I am now over one month back at work, and yes, it's taken me this long to sit down and reflect. The juggle is real. The tiredness is real. The coffee is needed, but in a weird way I think I'm kind of enjoying the chaos. I've definitely noticed a change in myself since being back at work. I've lost a little confidence, I second-guess a lot, and I'm often finishing the day wondering if I have done enough - in both work and at home. However, the days and weeks are getting easier, and I'm trying to go easy on myself. I'm enjoying feeling like I am more than just Olivia’s mum. Olivia is settling into new routines, and I'm getting better at finding balance. It's still very early, but the general consensus is that starting a family and having a career can coexist, BUT having the right support, flexibility, trust, and patience around you is essential. I've needed this now more than ever.

5 months back at work 

I take back everything I said above – what is balance? Just kidding! I feel like all of the above still applies, and I have accepted that “mum guilt” is here to stay. When I am fully immersed in work, I feel guilty that I am not at home, and when I prioritise home, I feel guilty that I might have missed something in work. I’ve got better at telling myself “you did your best today, and your best is enough”. I am slowly building my confidence back, but I remember in those first few weeks and months feeling like I’d “lost my edge” professionally. I wasn’t really sure who I was anymore and questioned my place and what I had to offer. I’m still working on that. I now have total respect and appreciation for any working parent out there, and I also recognise how critical it is to have support. When I returned to work this year, I didn’t want or need less responsibility – I needed an employer who understood that my life had changed, and that what I really needed was flexibility, trust and support. Thankfully, I can say I have that. Nothing can prepare you for the practical reality of combining career ambition with motherhood; it's hard! But I'm starting to realise you can love your career and your family at the same time.